I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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