it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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