I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
