you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont even know how to be here
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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