Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
