tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
