note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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