worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
