I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
