my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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