Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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