yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
