drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
