he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
