Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
