she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
