He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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