is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
