Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
