We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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