I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
