You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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