yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
