I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So much rum. So many feels.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
