I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
