Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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