Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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