the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
