I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
