I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
