all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
