thus making me awesome and them whores
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
