and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
