A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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