Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
