i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
