I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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