drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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