Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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