is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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