Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
