Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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