oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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