Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
