I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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