she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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