and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
