hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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