I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
