I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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